and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
