u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
