I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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