She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
