we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it's like heaven, but drunker
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
