The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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