Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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