you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
