It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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