piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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