I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
