Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
