Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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