I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
