11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
