Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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