My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
