when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
