So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
