im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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