Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
only you would photoshop your dick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
