Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
