help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
