When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
