i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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