Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
