I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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