Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
