I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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