would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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