she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
