He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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