burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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