I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
