i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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