But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
