You're my little dorito
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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