just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize