You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
