I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
