I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
