You made me cry and you don't even care
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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