he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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