Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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