i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
