his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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