do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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