It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
