In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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