I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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