I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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