She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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