I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
