3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
