remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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