i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
