I am spending my child support on dildos
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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