That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize