Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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