Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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