Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
