Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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