it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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