Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
