one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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