my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
