It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
