actually, I'm a sock model
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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