your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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